Well! Another eventful week here in the south of France! A week in which the long hot and dry spell here in Provence has dramatically broken, with temperatures plummeting by 20 degrees, people putting their heating back on, and endless rain, which is predicted to continue until well into next week. This is not a typical month of June down here in the “midi”! The farmers here have gone from relief as the drought breaks, to acute anxiety as the rain continues to fall……..
Add to that the latest food scandal with E.coli bacteria infecting 1,800 people in Germany. No one can identify the source of this bacterium, which has already killed 18 people in the past week and is terrifying all of mainland Europe. Initially organic cucumbers from Spain were accused, followed by lettuce and tomatoes. Although off the hook for the moment, farmers are now facing ruin of a different sort as the media go into sensationalist mode and medical advice here in France is to avoid all salad produce as well as fruit until further notice. Emotions are ranging from fear and anxiety on the part of the consumer, to anger and desperation on the part of the producers.
For my part, this week has seen me abandon my summer shorts and sandals and I’m currently rugged up in my winter woollies, working on the finishing touches to my new website (more on that in a later post). The constant rain has meant that I’ve been stuck indoors, unable to do my cross country jogging circuit, or even go for a walk to blow away the cobwebs. It’s hard not to start to feel claustrophobic and frustrated when you work from home in these conditions. Especially when it’s supposed to be summer! So, this week’s blog post concerns the following:
Equanimity (E`qua*nim"i*ty) (?), n.
[L. aequanimitas, fr. aequanimus: cf. F. équanimité. See Equanimous.]
Equanimity is defined as evenness of mind; that calm temper or firmness of mind which is not easily elated or depressed; patience; calmness; composure; as, to bear misfortunes with equanimity
With this week's events in Europe in mind, today I’m reflecting on how we can nurture our capacities to recover our equilibrium in the face of stress, chaos or confusion. Whether it’s personal conflict at work or at home, or a political or global crisis, how do we learn to be able to stand back from whatever is happening, reflect and see clearly what is going on, before re-engaging in a calm and resourceful manner.
We are all born with innate capacities to experience calm when we’re not ruffled, when things are gently ticking over in our lives. That state of ease and balance, or homeostasis, when there’s no disturbance to the body/mind is our natural state.
We are also hardwired to react – instantaneously – to any perceived threat or danger in our environment, and that can include our own thoughts and emotions. So how can we learn to soothe ourselves; to regulate our anxiety, rage, shame etc and come back to that homeostasis, when our automatic flight or fright reaction has been triggered?
Well, there are various ways in which we can cultivate this self regulation and, the more we practice certain techniques and strategies, the more they are reinforced in our neurology and can become automatic, or default responses.
One thing we can do is to seek out and spend time with those people in our lives who are already “equanimous”. People you can go to when you need to “re-settle your molecules” Spending time with these people as regularly as you can leads to “emotional contagion”, which is to say that simply being in the presence of someone who is in a calm and tranquil state soothes our nervous system and brings us into a more equanimous state ourselves.
Another thing that we can do is to learn how to take responsibility for our own houses, while allowing others to get on with maintaining their own. By this I mean being conscious of the consequences of our own behaviours, actions and choices, without taking on responsibility for other people’s choices, other people’s actions. Equanimity brings clarity and wisdom to any leanings we may have towards co-dependency, or toward over-functioning for others.
Finally, there is the strategy of resourcefulness and clarity that I teach in my training course, and which I call the “Stress to Success Strategy”. This is essentially stepping back initially from the external event, observing what’s going down, and then asking yourself whether it is a real threat, or perhaps a challenge or even an opportunity in disguise. The next step is to learn how to access the most appropriate resources that you have within you to deal with the situation optimally. We actually have all of the resources that we need within us, and so it’s just a question of learning how to access them and make them live and breathe when we need them.
With regard to the current European health scare and its repercussions, as well as the climactic uncertainties and risks threatening farmers and wine makers in France, the capacity to develop a steady equanimity in the midst of all of these disturbances and uncertainties would surely lead to a calmer more measured response from every quarter, with perhaps the exception being, the media! Now wouldn’t this be the best way to handle any crisis, large or small?
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
The Power of the "Re-Frame"
This week’s blog post from Provence concerns the importance of re-framing when living as an ex patriot in France. Sometimes a helpful re-frame can mean the difference between wanting to murder a local French government official, and instead heading off to the local café for a pastis with a wry but genuine smile!!
Learning about the power of the re-frame is useful for all of us, whatever country we live in. The first thing we need to look at is the meaning of the term “re-frame”. Well, imagine a frame on a picture that sets the picture off in a certain way, gives it a certain perspective or balance. A different sort of frame could completely change that perspective or balance and give the picture more depth, or less contrast, or whatever. Now, let’s consider the idea of a frame that sets off the way we look at and experience all the stuff that happens to us as we go through life; in a negative way, a positive way, or somewhere in between. Some people tend to unconsciously frame their experiences positively, seeing things in an optimistic light. These are the “glass half full” types. Then you have others who frame their experiences more negatively…….you probably know the type of person I mean. They tend to make a catastrophe out of a drama whenever they can! They frame their stuff with a negative slant and are definitely the “glass half empty” types. Most of us are located somewhere in between these two extremes.
The beauty of all of this is that, once you understand how this system works, you can simply re-frame your experiences in a more helpful way. No, no, no……NOT positive thinking crap, but simply more useful ways of looking at situations, giving more opportunities for choice and flexibility. The difference between looking at something as a threat or as a challenge for example, is huge, and can vastly affect the eventual outcome. Let me now give you the re-frame of the week, which just so happens to be a true story, and comes to you direct from Provence, France!
The postman tried to deliver a parcel, addressed to my partner, a few days ago, but no one was at home. He left a form stating that the parcel could be picked up at the post office anytime after 9am tomorrow. As my partner was busy working all week and I had the week off, he signed the back of the form, giving his permission for me to pick up the parcel in his absence. I dutifully went to the post office the following morning; queued for nearly an hour, and finally was served by a dour and rather self righteous middle-aged woman behind the bullet proof counter. Her hackles went up the minute she detected my English accent. “Where is the Carte d’Identitie?” she demanded. I explained that I didn’t have one, but could provide photo ID with my European driving licence, and also proof that I lived at the address in question. Plus of course, the signed attestation from my partner, giving me authority to collect the said article. “Non” came the stern reply. “Pas Possible”.
OK. So, at this point I re-framed the situation in my head. The French simply have a different way of dealing with things. Yes, they like to complicate matters (I have lived here over 12 years now, so I’m an expert on this subject), but they no doubt have their reasons, steeped in history and their own particular (some would say quirky) culture. I went home fairly cheerfully to grab my passport; surely this would be official enough for them. Return to post office…..queue for another 30 minutes or so. Same dour woman at the bullet-proof counter unfortunately, but (quick re-frame) hey, at least she knows me and the situation! I present the attestation and my passport with a winning smile. “Non Madame. J’ai besoin la carte d’Identitie.” I need the identity card. In my best French I explain that I don’t have an identity card, that UK citizens don’t need them, but that my passport is the UK equivalent. She looks me up and down as if I am a complete and utter imbecile. Then she says something I clearly wish she had specified an hour or two earlier. She needs my partner’s identity card! This gives me my chance at last to mirror her own words back to her, which I do with vigour: “Non Madame. Pas possible”! I explain that the very reason I am here in the first place is because my partner is at work and has his identity card with him. (In France it is illegal for the French to leave their own front gate without this aforementioned piece of plastic on their person). I patiently explain that I am here on his behalf because he works in Avignon all day and by the time he arrives back in the village the post office is closed. “That”, replies the post office woman “is not my problem”.
Quick re-frame here: OK, so it’s actually not my problem either. Not my parcel, not my problem. Wasted an entire morning, granted, but it is sooo not the end of the world. I have learned yet again that there is no arguing with intractable French officialdom, even if it is in the guise of a dour middle-aged woman behind the counter of a village post office. My partner is obliged to take a half day off work in order to retrieve his parcel, but that is not my problem either. The moral of the story is that sometimes it is impossible to make saccharine-coated positive re-frames when the situation is either too ridiculous or is in fact genuinely grave, BUT, we can always re-frame to make the situation somewhat more useful. In this case we have the following superb examples: Re-frame 1: OK. I’m here in the south of France for the climate, lifestyle, food and wine, which are all sublime. I am NOT here for the bureaucracy, so this situation has taught me to keep clear of any French Post Office unless absolutely essential! Re-frame 2: As an added bonus this situation has given me some fine material for this week’s Blog Post. Job done! And now it’s time for a quick pastis in the café below!
Learning about the power of the re-frame is useful for all of us, whatever country we live in. The first thing we need to look at is the meaning of the term “re-frame”. Well, imagine a frame on a picture that sets the picture off in a certain way, gives it a certain perspective or balance. A different sort of frame could completely change that perspective or balance and give the picture more depth, or less contrast, or whatever. Now, let’s consider the idea of a frame that sets off the way we look at and experience all the stuff that happens to us as we go through life; in a negative way, a positive way, or somewhere in between. Some people tend to unconsciously frame their experiences positively, seeing things in an optimistic light. These are the “glass half full” types. Then you have others who frame their experiences more negatively…….you probably know the type of person I mean. They tend to make a catastrophe out of a drama whenever they can! They frame their stuff with a negative slant and are definitely the “glass half empty” types. Most of us are located somewhere in between these two extremes.
The beauty of all of this is that, once you understand how this system works, you can simply re-frame your experiences in a more helpful way. No, no, no……NOT positive thinking crap, but simply more useful ways of looking at situations, giving more opportunities for choice and flexibility. The difference between looking at something as a threat or as a challenge for example, is huge, and can vastly affect the eventual outcome. Let me now give you the re-frame of the week, which just so happens to be a true story, and comes to you direct from Provence, France!
The postman tried to deliver a parcel, addressed to my partner, a few days ago, but no one was at home. He left a form stating that the parcel could be picked up at the post office anytime after 9am tomorrow. As my partner was busy working all week and I had the week off, he signed the back of the form, giving his permission for me to pick up the parcel in his absence. I dutifully went to the post office the following morning; queued for nearly an hour, and finally was served by a dour and rather self righteous middle-aged woman behind the bullet proof counter. Her hackles went up the minute she detected my English accent. “Where is the Carte d’Identitie?” she demanded. I explained that I didn’t have one, but could provide photo ID with my European driving licence, and also proof that I lived at the address in question. Plus of course, the signed attestation from my partner, giving me authority to collect the said article. “Non” came the stern reply. “Pas Possible”.
OK. So, at this point I re-framed the situation in my head. The French simply have a different way of dealing with things. Yes, they like to complicate matters (I have lived here over 12 years now, so I’m an expert on this subject), but they no doubt have their reasons, steeped in history and their own particular (some would say quirky) culture. I went home fairly cheerfully to grab my passport; surely this would be official enough for them. Return to post office…..queue for another 30 minutes or so. Same dour woman at the bullet-proof counter unfortunately, but (quick re-frame) hey, at least she knows me and the situation! I present the attestation and my passport with a winning smile. “Non Madame. J’ai besoin la carte d’Identitie.” I need the identity card. In my best French I explain that I don’t have an identity card, that UK citizens don’t need them, but that my passport is the UK equivalent. She looks me up and down as if I am a complete and utter imbecile. Then she says something I clearly wish she had specified an hour or two earlier. She needs my partner’s identity card! This gives me my chance at last to mirror her own words back to her, which I do with vigour: “Non Madame. Pas possible”! I explain that the very reason I am here in the first place is because my partner is at work and has his identity card with him. (In France it is illegal for the French to leave their own front gate without this aforementioned piece of plastic on their person). I patiently explain that I am here on his behalf because he works in Avignon all day and by the time he arrives back in the village the post office is closed. “That”, replies the post office woman “is not my problem”.
Quick re-frame here: OK, so it’s actually not my problem either. Not my parcel, not my problem. Wasted an entire morning, granted, but it is sooo not the end of the world. I have learned yet again that there is no arguing with intractable French officialdom, even if it is in the guise of a dour middle-aged woman behind the counter of a village post office. My partner is obliged to take a half day off work in order to retrieve his parcel, but that is not my problem either. The moral of the story is that sometimes it is impossible to make saccharine-coated positive re-frames when the situation is either too ridiculous or is in fact genuinely grave, BUT, we can always re-frame to make the situation somewhat more useful. In this case we have the following superb examples: Re-frame 1: OK. I’m here in the south of France for the climate, lifestyle, food and wine, which are all sublime. I am NOT here for the bureaucracy, so this situation has taught me to keep clear of any French Post Office unless absolutely essential! Re-frame 2: As an added bonus this situation has given me some fine material for this week’s Blog Post. Job done! And now it’s time for a quick pastis in the café below!
Monday, April 18, 2011
L’Avenue du Paradis aka The Stress to Success Blog
The best things to write about are EITHER, everyday stuff that everybody goes through and can relate to, OR, extraordinary stuff that people will be fascinated by because it goes beyond their daily experiences.
So, what if I was to start a blog that would combine the ordinary with the out of the ordinary? (I figure that “extraordinary” is quite possibly too grand a word to describe my life here in France as I create my new business, however “out of the ordinary” seems to sum it up pretty well).
OK, so here it goes!
Those of you who know me personally will know that, not only have I never had children, but also that I never actually wanted to have them! So, good result really. Apart from mothering and adoring my dearest pussycat, “Tiny”, (and also a beautiful black Labrador once, until I lost him a few years back in a custody battle), I haven’t got a maternal bone in my body. Anyway, it may surprise you to learn that for the past year, almost to the very day, I have been busy conceiving, gestating and nurturing……and am now on the point, the very brink, of giving birth!
My progeny is the “Stress to Success Training Program”, a personal development training that does what it says on the tin! This has been a long time coming; I nurtured the tiniest germ of an idea for many, many months, and even now it still seems to evolve and make subtle changes almost daily. At the time of writing however, I am so close to presenting this offspring to the world at large, that it’s time to create a Stress to Success Blog!
So, here I sit at my desk, at home in beautiful Provence, where I have done most of the creative work. It has been relatively easy and enjoyable in such a glorious environment as this. The photo that accompanies this spiel was taken from my running circuit a couple of weeks ago…….I just had to capture those swathes of cherry blossom in all that sunshine. Provence is stunning all year round actually, even in the winter months when the autumn glory has been stripped from the vines and the trees. It’s got something to do with the unique quality of the light……but Provence in the springtime is absolutely breathtaking!
Anyway, I digress; I’m sitting at my desk and contemplating the long and winding road that brought me to this place; on the verge of launching my very own training program and as such, new business venture. Not as glorious as the long and winding road in the photo below, but still a pretty interesting ride, especially in hindsight! The subject matter then of this Blog will concern my daily life here in Provence, the creation of my training program, and all that I’ve learnt along the way. A sort of “Getting of Wisdom”, Gallic style!
See you next week!
So, what if I was to start a blog that would combine the ordinary with the out of the ordinary? (I figure that “extraordinary” is quite possibly too grand a word to describe my life here in France as I create my new business, however “out of the ordinary” seems to sum it up pretty well).
OK, so here it goes!
Those of you who know me personally will know that, not only have I never had children, but also that I never actually wanted to have them! So, good result really. Apart from mothering and adoring my dearest pussycat, “Tiny”, (and also a beautiful black Labrador once, until I lost him a few years back in a custody battle), I haven’t got a maternal bone in my body. Anyway, it may surprise you to learn that for the past year, almost to the very day, I have been busy conceiving, gestating and nurturing……and am now on the point, the very brink, of giving birth!
My progeny is the “Stress to Success Training Program”, a personal development training that does what it says on the tin! This has been a long time coming; I nurtured the tiniest germ of an idea for many, many months, and even now it still seems to evolve and make subtle changes almost daily. At the time of writing however, I am so close to presenting this offspring to the world at large, that it’s time to create a Stress to Success Blog!
So, here I sit at my desk, at home in beautiful Provence, where I have done most of the creative work. It has been relatively easy and enjoyable in such a glorious environment as this. The photo that accompanies this spiel was taken from my running circuit a couple of weeks ago…….I just had to capture those swathes of cherry blossom in all that sunshine. Provence is stunning all year round actually, even in the winter months when the autumn glory has been stripped from the vines and the trees. It’s got something to do with the unique quality of the light……but Provence in the springtime is absolutely breathtaking!
Anyway, I digress; I’m sitting at my desk and contemplating the long and winding road that brought me to this place; on the verge of launching my very own training program and as such, new business venture. Not as glorious as the long and winding road in the photo below, but still a pretty interesting ride, especially in hindsight! The subject matter then of this Blog will concern my daily life here in Provence, the creation of my training program, and all that I’ve learnt along the way. A sort of “Getting of Wisdom”, Gallic style!
See you next week!
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
From one world to another.........easily?
How lucky I am to have safely traversed the globe just days before the volcanic eruption in Iceland has paralysed travellers world-wide. I am so relieved to be back safely and enjoying the spring in Provence, but am conscious of the fact that we take so much for granted; the ease and efficacy of not only airline travel, but technology and communications generally. I've just Skyped family in Australia and in some ways it feels like I never left. That warm, comfortable feeling of being recently there and in touch with all the latest gossip and activities. At the same time I'm immersing myself in the beauty of Provence in the spring; early morning jogs through the vineyards, lunch with friends in village cafes and birdsong pouring through the open windows! Another world completely and yet it took just a few hours of high-tech travel to link those worlds together. My thoughts are with those thousands of stranded travellers around the globe today as they await yet more days of uncertainty. It seems that we are not quite as secure in our high-tech world as we might have thought. A sobering thought, but perhaps a necessary one to take on board.
Friday, April 2, 2010
hello.....goodbye..........hello............goodbye.............hello....
Well, here I go again; packing up my goods and chattels; farewell dinners and last minute appointments/meetings. The airport trek and the 24 hour airborne artifice awaits....followed by another life, other people, other realities.
I am filled as always with mixed emotions: The thrill of the journey, the unknown future, tempered with the sadness and regret of leaving this place, the Now, where I am in the present moment. There is of course the gratitude which comes from being conscious that I have the enormous opportunity to move between these different and diverse worlds. This is an opportunity which leaves me with the abiding impression that ALL of this is good, it is all exactly as it should be. The present moment is simply THIS, as it is.........all there is. Wherever I may be on the planet, the present moment is what needs to be lived...to the Max.
I am filled as always with mixed emotions: The thrill of the journey, the unknown future, tempered with the sadness and regret of leaving this place, the Now, where I am in the present moment. There is of course the gratitude which comes from being conscious that I have the enormous opportunity to move between these different and diverse worlds. This is an opportunity which leaves me with the abiding impression that ALL of this is good, it is all exactly as it should be. The present moment is simply THIS, as it is.........all there is. Wherever I may be on the planet, the present moment is what needs to be lived...to the Max.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Busyness!
It seems to me that we need to sit back sometimes and just allow beingness to happen. Allow ourselves to be lived by the intelligence energy that is life itself. As human beings we are naturally infused with "busyness" and, like a colony of ants are constantly on the move, fortified by the importance of all the things we "have" to do! I'm thinking this morning of a famous quote from T.S.Eliot that really speaks to me at the moment.
"We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time"
"We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time"
Life without fear!
I’m on the eve of my first workshop on the beautiful Mornington Peninsula, Victoria Australia. We will be working on Performance fears and I will be recounting my own experiences with EFT where, in a two hour session just 5 years ago, I chose “love over fear” with EFT and surmounted my fears of public speaking and performance ..... forever!
Since that time, I just LOVE every chance to put myself in front of a group and tell my own story, before launching into my EFT workshops on a variety of different subjects, and of course my EFT Trainers Trainings, Certified Levels 1, 2 and 3 from AAMET.
Life just gets better and better without fear. It is liberation on a daily basis and for that I have EFT to thank for turning my life around, on so many different levels! My gratitude is manifold…which leads me onto my next subject: abundance ..... FANTASTIC!! .... perhaps that will be on my next post!
This week’s workshop is at the Point Leo Holistic Studio, on 21st March 2010. For full details contact info@energies4life.com or phone +61488058557
Since that time, I just LOVE every chance to put myself in front of a group and tell my own story, before launching into my EFT workshops on a variety of different subjects, and of course my EFT Trainers Trainings, Certified Levels 1, 2 and 3 from AAMET.
Life just gets better and better without fear. It is liberation on a daily basis and for that I have EFT to thank for turning my life around, on so many different levels! My gratitude is manifold…which leads me onto my next subject: abundance ..... FANTASTIC!! .... perhaps that will be on my next post!
This week’s workshop is at the Point Leo Holistic Studio, on 21st March 2010. For full details contact info@energies4life.com or phone +61488058557
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Musings on the Equinox
In another month I will be flying back to my second “home”, my adoptive home in Provence in southern France. As I prepare to leave Melbourne after several months in Australia, I find that all of a sudden the weather has become autumnal, unlike the “Indian summers” of past years. These recent cold and crisp mornings have had a definite effect on my mood and behaviours. I’m suddenly less willing to get up in the darker mornings and feel slower, more sluggish and less inclined to get myself into a working rhythm. Am I alone in this, or is it a common condition as we adapt to the end of one season and the beginning of another?
As we approach the equinox I begin to muse on our physical responses to these seasonal changes; our circadian rhythms, melatonin production and energetic adaptations to the cycles of light and darkness. Equally, how these changes are manifested in our emotions and behaviour. As a sun seeker who has a horror of the cold and the long dark nights, it’s all too easy to think in simple generalisations of the advantages of more daylight, less need for sleep, greater energy, enthusiasm and better health. However, if we dig a little deeper, we can quickly see that each of the 4 seasons brings its own unique gifts and opportunities.
The spring represents renewal and rebirth. After a long and hard winter the spring is probably one of the most embraced and significant of the season changes. It denotes the start of new life, regeneration of nature and the renewal of the spirit.
The summer brings plentiful light, energy and nature at its most vigorous and plentiful. We need less sleep, we feel more enthusiastic and abundant than at any other time of the year.
The autumn represents a time of gathering; the traditional time when crops are harvested. Leaves are changing to brilliant colours as they float gently to the ground. The nights start to draw in and we feel less adventurous and more inclined to gather our thoughts and energies close to us. We instinctively start to take care of ourselves and to prepare for what lies ahead.
The winter is introspective. The cold and darkness of winter urges us to slow down, replenish our energy, sleep more and conserve our strength. The only problem that we have in our modern society is that we are obliged to carry on regardless, even as our bodies and nature itself urges us to slow down and take care. Perhaps this is why I find the winter such a difficult season to live and work through. I wonder how many others agree.
To end these ramblings, I can only say that each season offers its own gifts and invitations. Nature provides something valuable throughout the year. It’s a question of being open and able to appreciate and respond accordingly. Here’s to hibernation in winter and liberation in the spring!!
As we approach the equinox I begin to muse on our physical responses to these seasonal changes; our circadian rhythms, melatonin production and energetic adaptations to the cycles of light and darkness. Equally, how these changes are manifested in our emotions and behaviour. As a sun seeker who has a horror of the cold and the long dark nights, it’s all too easy to think in simple generalisations of the advantages of more daylight, less need for sleep, greater energy, enthusiasm and better health. However, if we dig a little deeper, we can quickly see that each of the 4 seasons brings its own unique gifts and opportunities.
The spring represents renewal and rebirth. After a long and hard winter the spring is probably one of the most embraced and significant of the season changes. It denotes the start of new life, regeneration of nature and the renewal of the spirit.
The summer brings plentiful light, energy and nature at its most vigorous and plentiful. We need less sleep, we feel more enthusiastic and abundant than at any other time of the year.
The autumn represents a time of gathering; the traditional time when crops are harvested. Leaves are changing to brilliant colours as they float gently to the ground. The nights start to draw in and we feel less adventurous and more inclined to gather our thoughts and energies close to us. We instinctively start to take care of ourselves and to prepare for what lies ahead.
The winter is introspective. The cold and darkness of winter urges us to slow down, replenish our energy, sleep more and conserve our strength. The only problem that we have in our modern society is that we are obliged to carry on regardless, even as our bodies and nature itself urges us to slow down and take care. Perhaps this is why I find the winter such a difficult season to live and work through. I wonder how many others agree.
To end these ramblings, I can only say that each season offers its own gifts and invitations. Nature provides something valuable throughout the year. It’s a question of being open and able to appreciate and respond accordingly. Here’s to hibernation in winter and liberation in the spring!!
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