Learning about the power of the re-frame is useful for all of us, whatever country we live in. The first thing we need to look at is the meaning of the term “re-frame”. Well, imagine a frame on a picture that sets the picture off in a certain way, gives it a certain perspective or balance. A different sort of frame could completely change that perspective or balance and give the picture more depth, or less contrast, or whatever. Now, let’s consider the idea of a frame that sets off the way we look at and experience all the stuff that happens to us as we go through life; in a negative way, a positive way, or somewhere in between. Some people tend to unconsciously frame their experiences positively, seeing things in an optimistic light. These are the “glass half full” types. Then you have others who frame their experiences more negatively…….you probably know the type of person I mean. They tend to make a catastrophe out of a drama whenever they can! They frame their stuff with a negative slant and are definitely the “glass half empty” types. Most of us are located somewhere in between these two extremes.
The beauty of all of this is that, once you understand how this system works, you can simply re-frame your experiences in a more helpful way. No, no, no……NOT positive thinking crap, but simply more useful ways of looking at situations, giving more opportunities for choice and flexibility. The difference between looking at something as a threat or as a challenge for example, is huge, and can vastly affect the eventual outcome. Let me now give you the re-frame of the week, which just so happens to be a true story, and comes to you direct from Provence, France!
The postman tried to deliver a parcel, addressed to my partner, a few days ago, but no one was at home. He left a form stating that the parcel could be picked up at the post office anytime after 9am tomorrow. As my partner was busy working all week and I had the week off, he signed the back of the form, giving his permission for me to pick up the parcel in his absence. I dutifully went to the post office the following morning; queued for nearly an hour, and finally was served by a dour and rather self righteous middle-aged woman behind the bullet proof counter. Her hackles went up the minute she detected my English accent. “Where is the Carte d’Identitie?” she demanded. I explained that I didn’t have one, but could provide photo ID with my European driving licence, and also proof that I lived at the address in question. Plus of course, the signed attestation from my partner, giving me authority to collect the said article. “Non” came the stern reply. “Pas Possible”.
OK. So, at this point I re-framed the situation in my head. The French simply have a different way of dealing with things. Yes, they like to complicate matters (I have lived here over 12 years now, so I’m an expert on this subject), but they no doubt have their reasons, steeped in history and their own particular (some would say quirky) culture. I went home fairly cheerfully to grab my passport; surely this would be official enough for them. Return to post office…..queue for another 30 minutes or so. Same dour woman at the bullet-proof counter unfortunately, but (quick re-frame) hey, at least she knows me and the situation! I present the attestation and my passport with a winning smile. “Non Madame. J’ai besoin la carte d’Identitie.” I need the identity card. In my best French I explain that I don’t have an identity card, that UK citizens don’t need them, but that my passport is the UK equivalent. She looks me up and down as if I am a complete and utter imbecile. Then she says something I clearly wish she had specified an hour or two earlier. She needs my partner’s identity card! This gives me my chance at last to mirror her own words back to her, which I do with vigour: “Non Madame. Pas possible”! I explain that the very reason I am here in the first place is because my partner is at work and has his identity card with him. (In France it is illegal for the French to leave their own front gate without this aforementioned piece of plastic on their person). I patiently explain that I am here on his behalf because he works in Avignon all day and by the time he arrives back in the village the post office is closed. “That”, replies the post office woman “is not my problem”.
Quick re-frame here: OK, so it’s actually not my problem either. Not my parcel, not my problem. Wasted an entire morning, granted, but it is sooo not the end of the world. I have learned yet again that there is no arguing with intractable French officialdom, even if it is in the guise of a dour middle-aged woman behind the counter of a village post office. My partner is obliged to take a half day off work in order to retrieve his parcel, but that is not my problem either. The moral of the story is that sometimes it is impossible to make saccharine-coated positive re-frames when the situation is either too ridiculous or is in fact genuinely grave, BUT, we can always re-frame to make the situation somewhat more useful. In this case we have the following superb examples: Re-frame 1: OK. I’m here in the south of France for the climate, lifestyle, food and wine, which are all sublime. I am NOT here for the bureaucracy, so this situation has taught me to keep clear of any French Post Office unless absolutely essential! Re-frame 2: As an added bonus this situation has given me some fine material for this week’s Blog Post. Job done! And now it’s time for a quick pastis in the café below!
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